Latest Lovesong from Melanie:
Thanks for your feedback and honesty about your experience with Beeminder. It’s funny because I’ve actually felt exactly like that before - not liking being pushed by beeminder. I’ve slowly gotten better over the years at setting the right goals with the right rate. If it’s truly something you really want to do, know that you can do, and you only enforce the bare minimum with Beeminder, it starts to feel right and not like an annoying “push”. It’s hard to separate the ideal from the reality. Ideal might be that I want to spend 5 hours/week writing. Reality might be that I can spend 15 minutes/week. Seems pointless, but any small amount starts to establish a habit/shows you how you can fit it in, it feels good to be moving forward in any capacity, and the super small commitment doesn’t feel daunting. I’ve changed over from being mad at it to being glad I’ve got myself at least a little bit focused on what’s really important to me (and have gone from never dreaming of having more than 1-3 goals to feeling good/not overwhelmed about my current 7). And it’s a work in progress still… always will be to some degree but I’m able to create goals that really work for me with better accuracy now. Anyway, sorry to talk your ear off (read your eyes off? :-)), I just really related to that feeling of being “pushed” and have been amazed at how that’s changed for me with time plus trial and error.
(possible new title - Adventures of a Beeminding Cheapskate)
Beeminding my weight has been an interesting psychological roller coaster for me. Being a cheapskate, I’ve run the gamut of thinking Beeminder’s commitment with money was pure and total magic … to thinking I could do it without money on the line … to thinking the pressure of losing money was neccessary and worth it … to thinking the added pressure is only worth it as a bare minimum back up. Let me explain with my beeminding story.
It was only “pure and total magic” when I was able to choose a large pledge from the beginning (before the pledge schedule was invented, we used to simply choose an amount of money we thought would sufficiently motivate us). A large factor was not having to spend any money to be able to do that, but also that Danny (Beeminder CEO) would email our entire extended family (he’s my brother) with a big announcement about the new “weight loss contract” I was starting. We used to have family and friends buy each other’s contracts. For instance, when I decided to pledge $600 on a weight loss contract, Danny offered $10 for it and I accepted (because no better offers were coming in and I was determined so I’d take any amount of money from someone else to lose my weight — win-win). He understandably didn’t want to spend too much for the low chance of getting my $600. He’d then encourage everyone to sit on the edge of their seats to see if I’d win or lose. Caught up in the excitement, I’d forward it to as many of my friends as I could think of as well. Though it was a much larger hurdle to get started on a goal (hemming and hawing about the amount to pledge and waiting for responses about who would buy the contract), it certainly made it feel important and really solidified my conviction to take on the challenge. The added accountability of telling so many people precisely what I was going to do or else lose [pinky to pursed lips] … six HUNDRED dollars (the most I ever pledged) was a really big motivation for me.
Danny and Bethany (Beeminder CTO) have always encouraged beeminding weight with a shallow road as a backup so that some progress (or lack of negative progress) is forced while you go in and out of feeling otherwise motivated. With the start of the “road dial” and the “pledge schedule” [1], I tried to decide that “I could do this without money (or with very little money) on the line”. I mean … it’s not pure and total magic if I actually have to pay! I continued to make a little progress sometimes (usually when something was motivating me like an upcoming vacation) as well as no progress sometimes, causing derailments. I went through a few derailments at $5, $10, and $30 each, able to swallow those amounts one at a time. The ongoing monotony of it (and lack of a large monetary threat) evolved my thinking into game play … what can I get away with and still eke my way onto the road before doom? The excitement of doing something big and great knowing friends and family were watching and going to hear the results was also no longer there. [2] It all felt really frustrating and when I looked at my paid pledges to date and saw that I’d spent $180 on the $30 pledges alone, I decided …
“The pressure is neccessary and worth it!”
Why was I wasting time and money on a pledge level that clearly didn’t motivate me?
I moved on to the $90 pledge level and when I derailed 5 weeks later, I bit the bullet and went to $270 - super scary! - but I was newly determined to let the pledges force the beehavior as it’s meant to be done here at Beeminder.
I also rationalized that if the higher pledge levels motivate me, it would be like the equivalent of paying for a gym memberhip (which I gladly do).
I have the exact same expectation paying for each — lose weight, feel good, be healthier — so why not?
I spend $528/year for my gym and it definitely buys me health, happiness, and a good dose of sanity, but not my key goal of weight loss as well.
Surely I could spend that or less to lose my weight with Beeminder.
The only problem is that I’m already spending it on the gym and I don’t want to spend that much again to force the weight loss.
When it didn’t take long before I was riding the edge of my
“The added pressure is only worth it as a bare minimum back up.” Basically, I got really scared that $270 wasn’t seeming to make me toe the line. I injured my foot and immediately called SOS, relieved for a real reason to step away from the high pressure. The road was flattened and I started doing a lot of thinking and analyzing about this Beeminder weight loss journey of mine (while simultaneously taking my pledges back down to $10, one level per week due to the delay). I felt like I was relying on the high pressure to force action and motivation and I worried that I’d continue to rebel against that at higher pledge levels. It just wasn’t sitting well with me. Namely, the pressure. Maybe letting it hit the $810 pledge level would have worked, but I had already swore I wasn’t going to lose $270 and that conviction was seemingly flying out the window, so I decided to step back and analyze the psychology of this for myself. I kept a flat road for several weeks, but set a future downward slope using the “take a break” feature (so actually setting an un-break in this case … maybe that feature needs a more general name). [3] This was suggested by Danny as a way to minimize the possibility that I’d procrastinate putting a slope on the road for too long. It sounded like a good idea … because anything in the future is “so gonna happen”, say us akratics. I derailed partway into that “break”, and was still gaming the crap out of the system. I keep putting off the idea of announcing my weight loss to family and friends. After no progress (and a bit of backward progress) for another few weeks, I decided to try going a week with no sweets (tough for me). I just woke up one morning and thought, let me just employ a simple strategy for one week and see where it gets me, both physically and mentally. I also decided I may as well track my calories (on the LoseIt App) since I wanted to use the week to go in the right direction and boost my weight loss confidence. I got to the gym that morning and decided to tell a few people (that I see only at the gym) about my no sweets week, and that I was going to report to them a week later. That really helped. I definitely thought of reporting back to them with positive news when a few week moments presented themselves that week. I also started talking myself through every single interaction with food, the scale, exercising, etc. I actually talk to myself, lips moving (but with either no or little volume). For instance, when I noticed that I had an urge to eat some of everything I just brought home from the grocery store, I actually said, “you need to choose something for lunch, the rest of this food will be here for later. It’s ok not to eat something you were excited about eating [from the store].” Another example was when I was feeling a little upset at my spouse one day and even though I had been doing something at the computer not thinking about food at all, I suddenly noticed I wanted to go the kitchen and eat. Since I’m tracking calories, I was aware that I didn’t need to eat then and even if I did feel a bit of hunger, I prefered to distract myself and spread my calories out anyway. So I talked myself through the moment … “you don’t need to eat because you feel upset. It’s ok to feel upset and not eat. Just go back to what you were doing, you’re ok.” The urge passed. It was like magic! Some moments require a little back and forth with my inner negative thoughts and my outward positive corrections and I keep having a conversation with myself until I’m content to do the right thing or have the right thought. Another example happened on the scale one morning. I weighed in lower than the day before and of course my first thought was happy. Almost instantly, however, I felt discouraged/defeated that my weight was still higher than it was at some point I was remembering in the recent past. I felt like it was futile to put in the effort when I’d watched myself cross over these same few pounds so many times the past two years. But I turned it around by giving an actual voice (not that sneaky one in your head that you don’t even realize is feeding you messages most of the time) to the positive thoughts I wanted to have. “but you’re doing something about it, you’re making progress. You will get there, just keep doing the right things.” It worked. I walked out of the bathroom ready to make more progress rather than feeling like my efforts were pointless in the big picture and I’d need a “better, more drastic” plan to really make the bigger changes I wanted. I think that’s where so many people get caught up. They forget to negate the negative messages in their heads by actually giving a real out loud voice to the positive messages they want to get from themselves. They see a little progress and like me, they barely take a moment to praise themselves for the effort before they are back to beating themselves up for not making it sooner, for ever getting to the weight they are at in the first place, etc, etc. At the end of the first week, when describing what I was doing to my friend who’s a licensed clinical social worker, I learned that I had stumbled on cognitive behavior therapy. Wow, it’s a thing? No wonder it works so well!
I now need to mimic my original experience with Beeminding weight, yet work with the new pledge schedule. (I have a tough time spending money that doesn’t seem like it needs to be spent, obviously.) I’ll include the positive accountability of announcing my weight loss plan to a lot of people and giving it a specific end date so I get a real break (flat road to prevent gain) after a specified amount of effort (as opposed to endlessly being in “try to lose weight mode”). If I derail, I need to go to the next pledge level, but with an indefinitely flat road while gathering up my external motivators (which doesn’t take long … I live and breathe health, fitness, weight loss, and nutrition .. it’s my chosen field). I’ve lost weight successfully without Beeminder too, so I know that the right combination of external motivators works for me. However, I do like the extra accountability, daily focus [4], and security that Beeminder provides. I’m hoping Beeminder can remain a valuable tool for a cheapskate who thrives on positive reinforcement. One huge factor giving me a lot of hope again is that I’ve just ended a year of fighting breast cancer (successfully) and although I had plenty of time between treatments and surgeries to “live normally”, there was always something looming for me to deal with and often a forced few to several weeks with no or little exercise due to surgeries. I just reached the light at the end of the tunnel and it feels very freeing! Stay tuned to see if all this self-analysis has landed me on a true solution or if it’s a long drawn out severe case of akrasia (beeminder.com/mo/weight)!
[1] blog.beeminder.com/dial and blog.beeminder.com/exponential
[2] Thinking out my journey makes me realize how important that step was and clearly, I could easily implement that step myself. Eventually, a more social aspect of Beeminder tied into the site would be great.
[3] blog.beeminder.com/breaks
[4] blog.beeminder.com/weighly
(END NEWEST FINAL VERSION)
I’ve spent $528 in the last year for a gym membership toward my improved health and happiness (and it’s bought that for sure) but not my key goal of losing weight. I’ve spent $270 in the last year for my weight road derailments (plus $150 the previous year — still totals less than 1 year at the gym).
When it’s all said and done, as in when I lose all the extra weight, the total amount I end up spending will still likely be cheaper than a gym membership or diet plan. The lesson I’ve learned so far is that no matter how much money I have pledged on Beeminder, don’t try to force weight loss when I’m burnt out, need a break, and not mentally ready. Do however use it to force a bare minimum during those times when you need a break. Bare minimum for me is not gaining (a flat road) but bare minimum can be whatever works for each individual. It might mean a positive slope for holidays or vacations.
ORIGINAL VERSION:
Being a cheapskate, I realized something about beeminding my weight. Paying for Beeminder is like paying for a gym membership (or diet plan for some). I have the exact same expectation — lose weight, feel good, have fun, be healthier. But while it feels valuable to spend money on something tangible — something you know you can’t get for free — it feels wasteful to spend money on a result you feel you could get for free. You could just buckle down and have some willpower, or simply spend the money on tangible things like a gym membership and healthy food. But here’s the kicker. You’ll spend money on one or more of those things anyway, and may still lack the motivation to actually see all the results. I’m proof of this right now. I’ve spent $258 in the last 6 months for a gym membership toward my improved health and happiness (and it’s bought that for sure) but not my key goal of losing 20 pounds. For some, it’s only the money that ever sees the gym and Beeminder can work wonders for actually getting you in there. Others make it to the gym just fine, but then eat until the cows come home. This is me. The gym is worth it since I’d otherwise be gaining weight and wouldn’t feel as strong, pain free, as in-shape, or as mentally sane. Beeminder is worth it since I need more immediate motivation to put down the ice cream carton and chocolate syrup bottle (or the motivation not to buy it in the first place).
In the early days of Beeminder we used to simply designate a pledge amount that we thought would motivate us. Though a lot of time was wasted coming up with the perfectly motivating amount of money, those are the only times I’ve successfully lost the weight I wanted to lose in the desired time frame (aside from anything under 3 lbs). [1] I pledged $600 once, didn’t lose a penny, and lost the weight I wanted — a nice steady 6 pounds in 8 weeks. That’s valuable![2] When Beeminder switched to starting the pledges at $5 and letting you stay at $5, that’s what I did (too cheap to go to $10, $30, etc, knowing I’d just derail and have to pay at those levels). I delusioned myself into thinking “I’ll do it this time, I swear”. I got over that and climbed to $10 and then $30 and again stuck my head in the sand at $30 until realizing I must have easily spent $90 derailing at the $30 level a few times. Genius. Man, humans are irrational! Now I am currently pledging $270 (after only one derailment at $90. be proud.) on beeminder.com/mo/weight.[3] If the $270 pledge motivates me enough (this is currently not an if … it better!), then I’ll have paid (in previous pledges leading up) the equivalent of 3 months at my gym (minus the extra derailments of irrationality). That’s worth it if it takes me all the way to my goal.
People are willing to throw money at weight loss efforts all the time — it’s is a many-billion dollar industry. I have friends who have spent hundreds (that I know of, likely thousands over a lifetime) on diet and weight loss programs. They lose weight from it (usually) and sometimes keep some off, but often gain some, all, or more back. It teaches them nothing about dealing with food every day for the rest of their lives. They’re faced with eating normal food afterwards (yet haven’t developed healthy habits for that) and of course that’s why weight goes back on. With that kind of willingness to spend money to lose weight, Beeminder could be really cheap in comparison.
If you could pay $135 for a program that basically guaranteed weight loss, would that be worth it? If you know that the threat of losing $270 would keep your butt in gear, then that’s equivalent to paying $135 for a guaranteed successful weight loss program. (Half that if you’re self-aware enough to know to jump straight to $270 at the beginning. blog.beeminder.com/shortcircuit) It really would have been nice not to have my head in the sand at those lower pledge amounts, thinking I’d just buck up and do it since I didn’t want to spend too much. I’ve wasted time and more money than was neccessary. Had I at least guessed that I needed $90 on the line (pledges go from $5 to $10 to $30 to $90), I could have paid 1/4 that
The only stumbling block is getting people to see the value in this weight loss program. It’s taken me this long and I’m pretty immersed in Beeminder, what with working for them and having the founders be my brother and sister-in-law. Most would have a tough time believing that just loss of money hanging over their head would suddenly make them able to lose weight. Though I’m sure there are people out there where that kind of pressure might have the opposite effect and be too nerve wracking? The truth is, we all know on a basic level what to do to lose weight. That’s why it works. [4] It’s been like pure magic for me before when I’ve had large sums of money on the line. [5] When you’re tempted to snack at night, for instance, the decision not to becomes easy. It’s just not worth the money. When that consequence isn’t looming, you can rationalize away the damage it might cause to your overall weight loss goal in a second. And I often do, thinking “one bowl of ice cream isn’t going to throw me off”. The opposite is also true. When losing weight with a daily graph of progress, you can see exactly when a bowl of ice cream is well deserved and will help you feel satisfied and able to push on in the days to come. A fleeting thought to take a walk can easily be dismissed. “What’s one walk? I need a whole workout plan to make a difference,” you might think. But the walk will happen with enough money on the line. It becomes worth it to take a small daily step in the right direction because it might mean the difference between winning and losing the next day. It’s like instant motivation to do what matters right now and stop wasting time daydreaming about how you’ll lose weight when you figure out how to “do it all right someday” or “come up with the perfect plan”.
[1] I’ve never tried to lose more than 1% of my body weight per week. This is not recommended due to the unhealthy nature and the extremely likely loss of too much valuable lean tissue.
[2] In the very beginning, I actually lost 6 out of a 12 pound goal without any money on the line after losing the first 6 pounds with $100 at stake before fallling off the road. I was rarely motivated by an upcoming vacation plus the desire to get back to a certain weight before my soon possible second pregnancy we’d been trying for. Since then, even when I feel really convicted to lose weight, I find it very valuable to have the extra back up motivation of my beeminder road. It gives me the guidance to see that my efforts are paying off and that if I stick with it, I will actually get to that goal number that can feel so far away some days. I literally have to say to myself like a mantra that I really will get there and that I’m really doing it. Self doubt is so easy to come by and I’ve found that to stay successful at weight loss, a lot of pep talk is needed.
[3] I was actually at $90 once before, but chickened out and dropped it back to $30 (with the one-week delay of course), spending a bit more time being irrational and derailing at that level.
[4] For those that know I’m a personal trainer, and for the rest of you that now know I’m a personal trainer, you might be thinking that of course it worked for me, I know what to do to lose weight. If it’s as simple as knowing what to do, I wouldn’t need Beeminder. We all know that moving a bit more and eating a bit less is the way to get started, but we lack both the motivation and ability to keep it simple. We tell ourselves we need to do drastic things like cut carbs or dairy or start some rigid exercise routine, making it sound too difficult to get started, hence the excuse to procrastinate. In reality, we just need to stop a little before we’re full each time, decide to skip dessert a little more often, take an extra walk or whatever it is in the moment that might make a difference. This is a slow and gradual way to lose weight, but it’s a guaranteed way to get there. Without Beeminder, this slow rate of loss can be confusing and discouraging, but with the guidance of following your yellow brick road and a real consequence if you don’t, those in-the-moment decisions become clear and full of conviction and the feel-good effect starts to snowball.
[5] Note that I would never start a goal with a large pledge without feeling very strongly convicted to lose the weight (or whatever the goal is). Truly wanting to and knowing you can reach the goal is a prerequisite. The threat of losing the money comes in handy the rest of the time as that strong conviction starts to wear off a little in the day to day moments. This is discussed in this past blog post: http://blog.beeminder.com/wantcanwill